Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
