please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
