I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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