You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
