Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
