He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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