So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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