Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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