his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
