At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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