trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
