he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
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almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
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Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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