Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
