Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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