dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
