Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
