she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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