Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
