Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
So vagazzling was a success
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
