this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
