So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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