my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
My pussy is not your playground.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
