My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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