Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
