im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
