the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Randomize
