nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
