you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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