Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
zippers are such a cool invention
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
