when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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