Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
