And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
