Will you blow on my dice?
I think my fart just growled at me.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
