ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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