Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
And then he peed in my hair
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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