Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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