is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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