I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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