It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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