You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
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After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
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I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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