I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
