im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
