I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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