Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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