there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
