the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He better not be in your backpack
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize