The best revenge is premature balding
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Vodka?
Forever.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
soo... how was my night?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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