Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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