So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
