That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Sober January is a disaster.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Found your dick twin last night
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize
