Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Help me help you realize you are a moron
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
