my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
