My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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