New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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