so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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