made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
