Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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