At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
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I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
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Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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