this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
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