No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
