After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
