yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
