is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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