I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
