well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
