Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
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And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
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Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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