I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
My hand turned me down
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
